12/16/2012: Scrub Brush

This scrub brush sits on the edge of the tub and is used primarily to scrub the bathtub. Tends to get quite dirty in there. Not from me but mostly from the dog. Who likes to drop his toys and bones in the bathtub for safe keeping, then jumps in with his muddy feet to get them. And truth be told, I've also used this scrub brush to attack this nasty scaly patch of skin I get on my ankles. Overshare?

See also: Other Scrub Brush

9/6/2012: Bathroom Sink

So far this blog has featured everything but the bathroom sink. OK. Not quite. But any excuse to paraphrase a hackneyed cliche.

See also: TKO Saline Solution

8/30/2012: Antacid

I never call these "antacids." Nobody ever does to they? "Do you have an antacid?" Sounds stupid. They're Rolaids, or more specifically Target knock-off Rolaids. And I sometimes pop them like candy, which led me to discover that you CAN in fact overdose on antacids (sort of) and chest pains of the "Am I having a heart attack?" variety may be caused by that.

See also: TKO Claritin, TKO Saline Solution, Mini Garden Gnome

8/20/2012: Hairbrush

A hairbrush. Because just like Blair on Facts of Life my hair is my crowning glory. I've had it so long I don't even remember where or when I got it.

See also: Beard Trimmer,  Toe Nail Clippers

8/14/2012: Contact Case

This contact case is where I store, what else, my contacts when they aren't on my eyeballs. Now for those off you that wear glasses cause you can't stand the thought of touching your eye... stop being pussies and get contacts.

7/31/2012: Back Brush

A back brush is something that I've been intending to get for years (because let's face facts we all have that square foot or so on our backs that we've never actually washed, it's merely been rinsed after years of showering because no matter how we twist you just... can't... quite reach...) and if my local Target hadn't recently remodeled I likely never would've gotten this one. I was going to get more facial tissues (NOT Kleenex of course, Kleenex is a brand name not a generic product), turned down the aisle to where they used to and instead found bath stuff. Spying the back brushes I thought "Hey, I've been meaning to get one of these but never remember to pick one up. My back must be filthy," put one in my basket then wandered off to find the Kleenex (screw it, that's what everyone calls them). The Kleenex  are now located where the dog food used to be. I'll worry about where the dog food moved to when I finish going through what's left of the current 33lb bag of it I have.

See also: Body Scrubber

6/22/2012: Towel Rack

I don't know if I've mentioned before but I have a VERY small bathroom. Roughly the size of a coat closet. Which is why I got this over the door towel rack - takes up minimal space.

See also: Don't Panic Towel, Wicker Box

6/12/2012: Target Knock-Off Saline Solution

I'm a big proponent of the Target knock-off items which is why I get the Target knock-off saline solution instead of the pricier Bausch and Lomb stuff. Less than half as much and my eyes haven't fallen out yet so it must be just as good.

See also: Target Knock-Off Claritin

5/29/2012: A+D Ointment.

As part of the basic care for my new ink (badasses such as myself often say "ink" instead of "tattoo," it's how you know they're badasses now that they're inked) I was instructed to regularly apply A+D Ointment to the area. Yes, the diaper rash stuff. Which is fine, keeps it from drying out and helps it heal faster. There's only two problems. First, this stuff must be delicious because as soon as apply it to the area of the tattoo the dog follows me around trying to lick it off my calf. And second, it makes my leg smell like a baby's butt after a diaper change. 

See also: Tattoo, bathroom stuff

5/25/2012: Don't Panic Towel

I received this Don't Panic towel as a gift, but not for my 42nd birthday (believe it or not). I wanted to post it today because May 25th is, as everyone knows, Towel Day. Why a day dedicated to towels? Well, as author Douglas Adams wrote in the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, a towel is just about the most massively useful thing found in the universe.

A towel is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value. You can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapors; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy River Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (such a mind-boggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can’t see it, it can’t see you); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.

More importantly, a towel has immense psychological value. For some reason, if a strag (strag: nonhitchhiker) discovers that a hitchhiker has his towel with him, he will automatically assume that he is also in possession of a toothbrush, washcloth, soap, tin of biscuits, flask, compass, map, ball of string, gnat spray, wet-weather gear, space suit etc., etc. Furthermore, the strag will then happily lend the hitchhiker any of these or a dozen other items that the hitchhiker might accidentally have “lost”. What the strag will think is that any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and still knows where his towel is, is clearly a man to be reckoned with.

3/31/2012: Shaving Cream

Saving is one of my least favorite things to do in the world. Which I probably why I haven't shaved in months. Like 6 months. So I'm not going through much shaving cream. 

I'll do what I call a "lazy shave" a couple times a week, which means I shave my neck on a bit of my cheeks so my scruff looks well shaped, like I'm trying to grow a bear not like I'm just lazy. And about once a week or so (when the whiskers start to itch) I use the beard trimmer and trim them down.

3/20/2012: Body Scrubber

I'll spare you details of the gross scaly skin I tend to get on my ankles that necessitated something rougher to scrub them with. Yes, men need to exfoliate too, thus this body scrubber.

3/18/2012: Target Knock-Off Claritin

The unseasonably warm weather of the last week has finally caught up with my nose, so time to pull out the Target knock-off Claritin. I tend to buy the Target knock-off (TKOs) on heath and beauty items when I can.

Obviously there's pollen a plenty out today. I wonder why Rick Santorum hasn't come out against pollination yet? The stuff he has otherwise come out against makes almost as much sense as being anti-pollination. After all it's just dirty cross species flower/bee fornication. I'm sure that's got to be a sin doesn't it? And the fruits (literally) of such dirty acts would therefore be a sin to consume. So if you've ever eaten an apple, have fun in hell.

3/5/2012: Bamboo Print Shower Curtain

The dog once nearly led to the destruction of my bamboo print shower curtain. He was standing directly behind me while I was "using the facilities" (which we all know is a euphemism for "taking a leak"), I didn't notice him and stepped back when I was finished, started to fall over him and frantically grabbed the shower curtain putting a big tear in it. Because the shower curtain was going to save me. So I took it down with the intention of replacing it. Just left the clear plastic shower liner up for a very long time. Then I decided it wasn't worth replacing for $20 ($20 for a sheet of plastic!? Screw that.) and fixed the tear with clear plastic packing tape.That's the level of handy I am: tape.

2/22/2012: Toothbrush

This morning I dropped my toothbrush on the floor and it skidded behind the toilet. Needless to say that was never going in my mouth again. Luckily I had this back-up toothbrush ready to go. Was probably time to toss the old one anyway. I just hope the same thing doesn't happen tomorrow morning and this one skids behind the toilet, because if it does I'll be screwed.

2/18/2012: Wicker Storage Box

This wicker storage box is where the toilet paper is kept in my bathroom. Because it's such a small bathroom I don't have a spot where I can hang the roll on the wall. We're talking restroom on an airplane small. You've been in more spacious port-a-potties.

1/22/2012: Beard Trimmer

By request... my beard trimmer! I'd posted on Facebook yesterday that I was trimming up my beard and considered, briefly, leaving myself a mustache. (Yes, my FB posts tend to be a riveting as these blog posts). Anyway, upon realizing I was not a 70s era porn star nor an 80s era Ferrari driving Hawaiian private investigator, I decided against it. Based on that post one of my 2 regular readers suggested I post my beard trimmer to my blog. So here it is Riley!

I'd also like to note that my decision to not rock a 'stache came before I'd even seen that thing on Joe Flacco's face today. Isn't that ironic? (In an Alanis Morisettey definition of the word.)

1/10/2012: Tweezers

Time for something from the more mundane items I possess... my tweezers. Time was, not long ago really, I had almost no use for a pair of tweezers. I had them of course, everybody does. They're a rather ubiquitous item that way. But now, since I hit my late 30's I'd say, I actually use them regularly. Why?

I'm sure any guy my age or greater knows why: ear hair. My ears now need regular maintenance. That is if I don't want it to look like I'm growing a Chia Pet in there. Eventually I'm sure I'll just give up on the endeavor and not worry if I look like I'm wearing ear muffs all the time. But until that time, I tweeze.

I do however vow to keep plucking the one crazy eyebrow hair I have that grows straight down.